My vacuum eats your noise

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3,309,765 notes

voguefrance:

spagettinos:

smilebecauseicant:

crotchkat-vantass:

juststrokemyglabella:

2spookysamy:

highonvodka:

themixedbagofspooky:

spoopy-len-in-a-dress:

riningear:

doryishness:

displaced-angel:

ryedragon:

inritum:

reblog and make a wish!this was removed from tumbrl due to “violating one or more of Tumblr’s Community Guidelines”, but since my wish came true the first time, I’m putting it back. :)

OH MY FUCKING GOD, IT’S BACK ON MY DASH.
THIS SHIT WORKS OKAY, I AM DEAD SERIOUS.
The last time I saw this on my dash, I didn’t think it would happen, so jokingly I wished I could go to a fun. concert.
AND GUESS WHAT, I WENT TO A FUCKING FUN. CONCERT.
THIS SHIT WORKS, TRY IT.

YOOOOOOO
I SAW THIS ON MY DASH THE OTHER DAY AND THOUGHT “ITS WORTH A TRY” SO I WISHED I COULD GET A 3DS
LITERALLY LIKE 4 DAYS LATER MY DAD SENT ME A PICTURE OF THE 3DS XL HE BOUGHT FOR ME WHILE I WAS AT SCHOOL
IM STILL FREAKING OUT ABOUT THIS

holy fuck, I didn’t expect this to work, I was like psh, whatever it’s just a quick reblog, but I wished my Dad would actually respond back to me AND HE FUCKING DID A FEW DAYS LATER, I GOT A FUCKING TEXT FROM MY DAD TODAY WHO HASN’T SPOKEN OR RESPONDED TO ME IN MONTHS HOLY FUCK WHAT IS THIS MAGIC IT WORKS. 

I WANTED TO SEE MY BOYFRIEND AND I DIDN’T THINK I’D GET DAYS OFF BUT THIS WEEKEND I’M HEADING UP THERE??? THIS IS CRAZY SHIT 

SO LIKE I JOKINGLY WISHED FOR MY OWN LEN KAGAMINE AND THEN LIKE A WEEK LATER I GOT A LEN NENDOROID??? H ELP

WTF OKAY SO THIS SHOT ACTUALLY WORKS BECAUSE WHEN I WISHED, I HAD WISHED MY CRUSH WOULD LIKE ME BACK AND GUESS WHAT? I HAVE A BOYFRIEND NOW. WHAT THE HELLLLL?????

ok I’ve said this before but IM DOING IT AGAIN THE FIRST TIME I SAW THIS, MY WISH DID COME TRUE SO I REBLOGED AGAIN AND SAID IT IN THE TAGS BUT THEN I WISHED FOR SMTH ELSE AND IT LITERALLY LITERALLY HAPPENED LIKE A COUPLE DAYS LATER WHAT THE HELL SO NOW IM WRITING THIS HERE FOR YOU BC I DONT BELIEVE IN THIS CRAP BUT STILL IT’S AN AWFULLY BIG COINCIDENCE

THE BOY I FELL I LOVE WITH LEFT TO TRAVEL THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD AND HAS BEEN GONE NOW FOR 3 MONTHS. WE HAVENT SPOKEN SINCE BECAUSE I DIDNT WANT TO MAKE HIM FEEL TRAPPED TO ME AND NOT ENJOY HIS TIME SO I WAITED FOR HIM TO CONTACT ME FIRST. I SAW THIS ON A PARTICULARLY LOW DAY WHEN I WAS MISSING HIM SO MUCH I CRIED FROM THE PAIN, GUYS I REALLY LOVE HIM, SO I THOUGHT MEH WHAT THE FUCK, AND WISHED HE WOULD JUST LET ME KNOW HE WAS OKAY.
GUYS.
HE FUCKING CALLED ME 20 MINUTES LATER
20 FUCKNG. MINUTES. LATER.
GOOD THINGS DO HAPPEN. AND ITS IN THIS POST.

I wish for someone to leave something in my ask.

OKAY SO I ASKED FOR A HEDGEHOG AND NOW GUESS WHO HAS A PET HEDGEHOG

i really hope my wish comes true

my last two wishes came true, one more couldn’t hurt

SO I WISHED FOR AN IMAC THE LAST TIME I DID THIS AND A WEEK LATER MY MOM SURPRISED ME WITH AN IMAC. HONESTLY SHE DIDNT EVEN KNOW I WANTED ONE, I DIDNT TELL ANYONE, IT WAS AN EARLY XMAS PRESENT. Wow this works

voguefrance:

spagettinos:

smilebecauseicant:

crotchkat-vantass:

juststrokemyglabella:

2spookysamy:

highonvodka:

themixedbagofspooky:

spoopy-len-in-a-dress:

riningear:

doryishness:

displaced-angel:

ryedragon:

inritum:

reblog and make a wish!


this was removed from tumbrl due to “violating one or more of Tumblr’s Community Guidelines”, but since my wish came true the first time, I’m putting it back. :)

OH MY FUCKING GOD, IT’S BACK ON MY DASH.

THIS SHIT WORKS OKAY, I AM DEAD SERIOUS.

The last time I saw this on my dash, I didn’t think it would happen, so jokingly I wished I could go to a fun. concert.

AND GUESS WHAT, I WENT TO A FUCKING FUN. CONCERT.

THIS SHIT WORKS, TRY IT.

YOOOOOOO

I SAW THIS ON MY DASH THE OTHER DAY AND THOUGHT “ITS WORTH A TRY” SO I WISHED I COULD GET A 3DS

LITERALLY LIKE 4 DAYS LATER MY DAD SENT ME A PICTURE OF THE 3DS XL HE BOUGHT FOR ME WHILE I WAS AT SCHOOL

IM STILL FREAKING OUT ABOUT THIS

holy fuck, I didn’t expect this to work, I was like psh, whatever it’s just a quick reblog, but I wished my Dad would actually respond back to me AND HE FUCKING DID A FEW DAYS LATER, I GOT A FUCKING TEXT FROM MY DAD TODAY WHO HASN’T SPOKEN OR RESPONDED TO ME IN MONTHS HOLY FUCK WHAT IS THIS MAGIC IT WORKS. 

I WANTED TO SEE MY BOYFRIEND AND I DIDN’T THINK I’D GET DAYS OFF BUT THIS WEEKEND I’M HEADING UP THERE??? THIS IS CRAZY SHIT 

SO LIKE I JOKINGLY WISHED FOR MY OWN LEN KAGAMINE AND THEN LIKE A WEEK LATER I GOT A LEN NENDOROID??? H ELP

WTF OKAY SO THIS SHOT ACTUALLY WORKS BECAUSE WHEN I WISHED, I HAD WISHED MY CRUSH WOULD LIKE ME BACK AND GUESS WHAT? I HAVE A BOYFRIEND NOW. WHAT THE HELLLLL?????

ok I’ve said this before but IM DOING IT AGAIN THE FIRST TIME I SAW THIS, MY WISH DID COME TRUE SO I REBLOGED AGAIN AND SAID IT IN THE TAGS BUT THEN I WISHED FOR SMTH ELSE AND IT LITERALLY LITERALLY HAPPENED LIKE A COUPLE DAYS LATER WHAT THE HELL SO NOW IM WRITING THIS HERE FOR YOU BC I DONT BELIEVE IN THIS CRAP BUT STILL IT’S AN AWFULLY BIG COINCIDENCE

THE BOY I FELL I LOVE WITH LEFT TO TRAVEL THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD AND HAS BEEN GONE NOW FOR 3 MONTHS. WE HAVENT SPOKEN SINCE BECAUSE I DIDNT WANT TO MAKE HIM FEEL TRAPPED TO ME AND NOT ENJOY HIS TIME SO I WAITED FOR HIM TO CONTACT ME FIRST. I SAW THIS ON A PARTICULARLY LOW DAY WHEN I WAS MISSING HIM SO MUCH I CRIED FROM THE PAIN, GUYS I REALLY LOVE HIM, SO I THOUGHT MEH WHAT THE FUCK, AND WISHED HE WOULD JUST LET ME KNOW HE WAS OKAY.

GUYS.

HE FUCKING CALLED ME 20 MINUTES LATER

20 FUCKNG. MINUTES. LATER.

GOOD THINGS DO HAPPEN. AND ITS IN THIS POST.

I wish for someone to leave something in my ask.

OKAY SO I ASKED FOR A HEDGEHOG AND NOW GUESS WHO HAS A PET HEDGEHOG

i really hope my wish comes true

my last two wishes came true, one more couldn’t hurt

SO I WISHED FOR AN IMAC THE LAST TIME I DID THIS AND A WEEK LATER MY MOM SURPRISED ME WITH AN IMAC. HONESTLY SHE DIDNT EVEN KNOW I WANTED ONE, I DIDNT TELL ANYONE, IT WAS AN EARLY XMAS PRESENT. Wow this works

(via miggylol)

Filed under testing

107,131 notes

asukaskerian:

roachpatrol:

ivanebeoulve:

adventuresintimeandspace:

Here are some scientific facts about blood loss for all you psychopaths writers out there.

yeah, for writting..

now i am thinking about all the fics where a kid passes out because vampire and like how much can a vampire chug???

bkprsn101 : So I googled the answer because I am a nerd
bkprsn101 : And the average adult stomach can hold 1.5 liters
bkprsn101 : But the stomach can distend to hold about 4 liters
bkprsn101 : So… It depends on how distended a vampire’s stomach is. :X
Askerian :whoa yeah XD
bkprsn101 : This has been Nerd Corner with Adi

Filed under writing reference

27,714 notes

French princess Isabella was only 12 years old in 1308 when she sailed into the court of English king Edward II as his wife. And he, the 24-year-old freshly crowned monarch, was very much in love  …   just not with her. The person Edward was in love with was a young knight named Piers Gaveston. That Edward had a lover wasn’t shocking, nor was it a big problem that his lover was a man. The problem, as the English court saw it, was how “immoderately” Edward loved the glamorous, arrogant Gaveston— enough to risk his entire kingdom and the lives of thousands of soldiers. When Gaveston was around, Edward was worse than useless, barely able to hold a conversation, much less govern. When Gaveston wasn’t around, Edward was a wreck.

While Edward and Isabella were married in France, Gaveston stayed in England with his own child bride, Edward’s 15-year-old niece. Less than a month later, Isabella witnessed firsthand just how deep the man’s hooks went into her husband’s heart. During the ceremony at Westminster Abbey investing Isabella with the title of queen, it was Gaveston who held the crown. At the coronation feast afterward, he sat next to the king under tapestries that depicted not the emblems of Edward and Isabella but the arms of Edward and Gaveston. And just to turn the dagger a bit more, Edward handed over the wedding gifts from Isabella’s father— jewels, warhorses, the whole lot— to his one true love. Isabella’s uncles, who had attended the coronation, returned to France in a frothy rage. Which was bad news, given that France and England were perpetually squabbling and barely maintaining an uneasy truce. England was already embroiled in a conflict with Scotland and didn’t need another front to open up. England’s powerful magnates— the lords and earls who really ruled the land— decided that Gaveston was too great a distraction for the king and needed to be removed. But attempts to exile the king’s favorite proved futile. Edward would send Gaveston away and then, a few months later, call him back.

Their frustration with Edward reached a boiling point in 1312; civil war was in the making. Edward and Gaveston traveled the countryside, trying to keep ahead of the lords baying for the latter’s blood, but they couldn’t run for long— England is only so big. On May 19, Gaveston surrendered to the king’s enemies at Scarborough Castle, where Edward had left him ensconced with a battalion. Just over a month later, Gaveston was executed, brutally and without a trial. The king swore he’d have his revenge.

Isabella, meanwhile, was biding her time. She’d become an adult while following Edward and Gaveston around the country; at the time of Gaveston’s execution, she was pregnant with her husband’s son and heir. On November 12, 1312, the 17-year-old queen gave birth to a healthy baby boy. She’d done her duty to crown and husband, and her position was secure. She had also accumulated enough political acumen to manage her useless husband and try to keep the nation from civil war. Edward and his warring lords patched things up long enough to sign a peace treaty, which got them through the first few months of 1313 without killing one another. With Isabella’s mediation, the lords swore fealty to Edward once again, but it was a tenuous peace. The Scots were hammering England’s defenses to the north, and Edward’s most powerful earl (and the man responsible in part for Gaveston’s murder), a man named Lancaster, refused to aid him. Worse, Lancaster was actively plotting against Edward while England was left rudderless, without a real leader.

Isabella remained at Edward’s side, his confidante and advisor. That is, until about 1318, when Edward again became infatuated with a young man in his company. Unlike the foppish Gaveston, Hugh Despenser was shrewd, cruel, and paranoid. He used the royal relationship to seize his rivals’ lands and treasuries. As Despenser hoarded more gold and more land, more and more lords began defecting to Lancaster’s side. Isabella worked to maintain peace between her husband, his magnates, and an irate France, but they all demanded that Despenser be exiled. In July 1321, Edward gave the order; ever the sly one, Despenser went only as far as the English Channel, where he and his father turned to pirating merchant ships while awaiting word from Edward. Meanwhile, the king’s struggles with Lancaster came to a head. Lancaster found himself on the losing side of the battle; he was arrested and executed as a traitor. Edward had his revenge.

Edward may have won a battle, but he was about to lose the war. Triumphant after Lancaster’s death, he hastily called the Despensers back to England and made Hugh his chief advisor. Ever the opportunist, Hugh then started to make moves on Isabella’s property and that of her children. Bad decision.

Hell hath no fury like a woman whose children’s birthright is in danger. Now a seasoned political manipulator, Isabella waited for just the right moment to act, and in 1325 opportunity finally landed in her lap. By then, England’s relationship with France had frayed over land that both claimed to rule. It was decided that Isabella was ideally suited to work out a solution with her relatives back home. So the queen (who had likely planted the idea with Edward and Despenser) made her way back to France, where she spent several restorative months in the bosom of her family. Six months after landing in Calais, she was followed by her son, 12-year-old Prince Edward, on the pretext that relations between France and England would be softened if he were made duke of Aquitaine. And just like that, 27-year-old Isabella held the trump card: the heir to the English throne.

Within weeks, Isabella showed her hand. “I feel that marriage is a joining together of man and woman  …   and someone has come between my husband and myself trying to break this bond,” she said in a statement. “I protest that I will not return until this intruder is removed.” Edward was gobsmacked. “On her departure, she did not seem to anyone to be offended,” he supposedly remarked. Isabella’s plan was ingenious and subtle. Her husband was a useless king, but she couldn’t say so without looking like a traitor. So she cleverly shifted the blame to Despenser and cast herself as the dutiful wronged wife. Isabella also knew that Edward was unlikely to be a worthy leader even if Despenser were removed. Lucky, then, that she happened to have an alternative ready to roll and under her control: her son, the prince.

Isabella had spent the last six months getting all her ducks in a row. Not only did she have France on her side, she had also won the loyalty of a faction of disaffected Englishmen to legitimize her rebellion. They were led by Roger Mortimer, one of the nobles who had led the revolt against Edward. Two years earlier, Mortimer had made a daring escape from the Tower of London and turned up in the French court. He and Isabella met up in Paris; he became not only her captain, but her lover as well.

To get her son on the throne, Isabella needed military might, so she and Mortimer engineered a marriage between young Edward and the daughter of a French count. In late September 1326, Isabella and Mortimer set sail for England with her daughter-in-law’s dowry— 700 soldiers— along with a pack of mercenaries paid for by Isabella’s brother, the king of France. Isabella was, without a doubt, at the head of this operation; one fourteenth-century image shows her leading the troops while clad in shiny armor. Popular support for her as a romantic, righteous figurehead had been growing since word of her rebellion spread; that support, and her ranks, continued to swell after she returned to English soil. Edward had fallen out of favor not only with his lords and magnates but also among his people, who had suffered famine and war while he was occupied with avenging his lover’s death.

The end came swiftly. On November 16, the king and his companion were caught trying to make it across open country in Wales. Hugh Despenser was brought before the queen and her lords and sentenced to death. He was dragged through the streets, stripped naked, and hauled 50 feet in the air by his neck. He was then disemboweled while alive and castrated— punishment, it was rumored, for his intimate relationship with the king. As if all that wasn’t enough, he was beheaded, too.

The king was confined to Monmouth Castle as a prisoner of Henry of Lancaster, brother of the rebellious earl whom Edward had executed four years before. But Isabella and Mortimer still had one problem: with Despenser gone, the dynamic duo no longer had reason to challenge Edward’s fitness to rule. So, clever Isabella argued that, by fleeing to Wales, Edward had abandoned England and his right to rule it. Prince Edward was, therefore, the rightful king. The relieved bishops and lords of England agreed. Now all that remained was to convince Edward to resign the throne in favor of his son. Faced with overwhelming opposition, he agreed, and Prince Edward, just 14 years old, became King Edward III on February 1, 1327. Isabella, as the mother of the underage ruler, and Mortimer, as leader of the deposing army, now held authority in England.

The situation was unprecedented— it was the first time the country had ever had a living ex-king. And there was also the issue of Isabella’s marriage: Edward may have been an ex-king, but he was not her ex-husband. With Despenser gone, she had no legitimate reason not to return to him. Moreover, Edward’s very existence posed a threat to the new regime, especially since it appeared he wasn’t completely without supporters. Indeed, by September 1327, three plots to free him had been foiled. So the queen and her captain hit upon a more traditional means of ridding themselves of this troublesome ex-king: murder.

The story is probably apocryphal, but later chroniclers morbidly insist that Edward II was murdered by the violent application of a red-hot poker up his backside. However death occured, on the night of September 21, 1327, the 43-year-old relatively robust former king conveniently died. He was buried with all the ceremony accorded to a dead monarch, his wife and son weeping and kneeling before his gilded hearse.

But young King Edward III, it seems, had learned a trick or two at his mother’s knee. Though Isabella and Mortimer were content to run things in England indefinitely, Edward wasn’t about to sit idly by and watch them do it. In late 1330, just three years after Isabella and Mortimer seized power, the 18-year-old king outflanked them. Mortimer was arrested as a traitor by a group of nobles loyal to the crown; he was hung on November 29, 1330. Isabella had but one choice: accept the death of her lover and an enforced retirement, surrendering her vast estates to her son. Ever the realist, she did so within a week of Mortimer’s execution. Isabella lived the rest of her life in quiet obedience to her son, dying in 1358. The “She-Wolf of France,” as she came to be called, was buried as she requested: with a silver vase containing the heart of her husband, the man she’d kicked off the throne and probably murdered.

Princesses Behaving Badly: Real Stories From History Without the Fairy-Tale Endings

(via leslieknope)

(via pyrrhiccomedy)

Filed under history

178,498 notes

Things almost every author needs to research

clevergirlhelps:

the-right-writing:

  • How bodies decompose
  • Wilderness survival skills
  • Mob mentality
  • Other cultures
  • What it takes for a human to die in a given situation
  • Common tropes in your genre
  • Average weather for your setting

yoooo

(via rrrowr)

Filed under resource reference

42,756 notes

jumpingjacktrash:

whathasbeenlost:

HEY WRITERS OF ALL KINDS AND AGES AND MAYBE EVEN DNDERS OR TABLETOP GAMERS ARE YOU READY FOR SOMETHING SUPER RAD? I HOPE SO ‘CAUSE 

image

RANDOM

image

MAP

image

GENERATOR

imageWITH

image

EDITING FEATURES AVAILABLE

IT DOESN’T REALLY DO LAND MASSES OR ANYTHING BUT IT SURE AS HELL WILL MAP THAT CITY/VILLAGE/SHIP/DUNGEON/WHATEVER THAT YOU’VE BEEN MEANING TO MAP OUT FOR YOU

SO FUCKING GO WILD

dang this looks awesome

Filed under reference maps dnd

101,741 notes

fuckyeahvikingsandcelts:

bad-mojo:

necoho:

onslaughtsix:

hoganddice:

infuriatingly-adorable:

whiskey-wolf:

And this is what happens when a masterfully crafted katana collides with a masterfully crafted longsword.
Suck it, katana

And that is what happens when a masterfully crafted scalpel collides with a masterfully crafted guillotine.
Does nobody understand that longswords and katanas are two different kinds of tool?Longswords are essentially sharpened fucksticks designed to destroy the shit out of anything resembling armor that comes their way. They shatter bone, jelly flesh, and essentially fuck people up by sheer inexorable force of being a goddamn sharp steel bar.
Katanas don’t do that.They’re not meant to withstand collision with armor or a brick wall or a charging fully outfitted warhorsebecause the circumstances of its development didn’t call for that. It’s a precision instrument. It’s designed to be lightweight, outmaneuver, and find weak spots, not go barreling into people hack-n-slashing your way to victory. It’s a specialized tool.
In a sense this reflects a core difference between cultures; katanas are a shitton of work and preparation to make the execution as efficient and streamlined as possible, while longswords are more durably and simply made in response to a climate that would require a soldier to be a one-man battering ram in battle.

Actually no.The vaunted differences between the katana and the longsword are largely myth.First off: longswords are nowhere near as heavy as everyone thinks they are, the weight difference between an average longsword and an average katana is very slight.Second: Longswords are not just random hack and slash weapons. THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS JUST RANDOM HACK AND SLASH WEAPONS EVERY WEAPON IN THE WORLD REQUIRES SKILL AND FINESSE! To use a longsword requires precision and training and skill. If you think the longsword requires no skill I suggest you try fighting a master, or go read The Flower of Battle by Fiore dei Liberi.Third: The structural differences between a katana and a longsword make little to no functional difference.The reason the katana is so narrow and has a slight curve has nothing to do with functionality and EVERYTHING to do with iron being very rare in Japan.The curve on a katana is only enough to help increase the cutting length while using the minimum of material.The differences between Katana technique and longsword technique are about as large as the differences between Italian longsword technique and German longsword technique.Because there’s only so much you can do with a long sharp piece of metal.Fourth: The Katana did not evolve. They came up with one design and never changed it for thousands of years, not once. The design process of the longsword is well documented, it went through thousands of permutations and redesigns to make it more efficient, more useful and more adaptable.Fifth: Longsowrds took a fuckton of work and preparation. Ok, I’m about to burst your bubble here, but bear with me because you’re going to learn something.When the Japanese developed their folded steel technique it was in response to the fact that their iron ore was not only rare, it was also so full of impurities it was brittle and pretty awful at being a weapon. All the Japanese folded steel technique really did was bring their steel up to the quality that was standard in most European steel.Why do I say Japanese folded steel?BECAUSE THE REST OF THE WORLD HAD ALREADY GOTTEN THERE ABOUT A THOUSAND YEARS BEFOREHAND!Japanese Folded Steel is primitive compared to some of the shit we were producing for weapons at the same time in Europe.And do you want to know who the masters of that were? THE FUCKING VIKINGS!Japanese folded steel involves hammering one piece of steel into a fucking sandwhich over and over and over again.Viking folded steel involves taking separate rods of Iron (For a flexible core) and Steel (for a hard edge) AND FUCKING BRAIDING THEM TOGETHER! LITERALLY BRAIDING TWO DIFFERENT KINDS OF METAL IN THREE OR MORE PIECES TOGETHER AND THEN HAMMERING THAT INTO A SWORD! JUST TRY AND TELL ME THAT’S NOT THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING YOU’VE EVER HEARD!Sixth: The Katana was a backup weapon. It was literally the last resort. It got a lot of reverence in bushido because of how pretty it was and for no other reason. But the chief weapon of the samurai was actually their Kyu (longbow) followed by their Naginata (A spear, which was essentially like a katana on a stick and WAY more effective) or their Tetsu bo (A big conical wooden club covered in iron studs) and then if none of that worked then they would use the katana. Seventh: The function of a longsword depends on the historical period you’re thinking of. In the 15th century and onward they were for dealing with plate armour and their design changed to reflect that.But they existed long before then and had many different functions, people of each period tailoring them for their specific needs.Eighth: Swords are expensive. Doesn’t matter what period or country you’re in a sword is a LOT of metal and metal is ALWAYS expensive. In almost every culture spears and axes were FAR more common than swords.This caused a widespread phenomenon that historians/archaeologists/folklorists refer to as “the cult of the sword” where the rarity and beauty of swords causes them to become an object of reverence. Almost every culture that developed swords also developed a weird spiritual reverence for them. The cult of the sword died off FAR later in Japan than it did in Europe which is why katanas have so much reverence and mythology attached to them even into the modern age.Ninth: Stop idealising other cultures because they’re over there.

Fuckin’ weeaboos.

Adding to that (regarding the vikings):
That braiding technique described earlier on had the same reasons for its development as that of folded steel; bog iron was the most common available ore in Scandinavia and not very pure either.
Furthermore, that made metal indeed very expensive. Most warriors in viking culture wore boiled leather helmets and body armour if they wore armour at all. The most common form of defence was the wooden shield we all know from depictions (actually one thing out of very few that pictures get right).
The weapons that found most employment were spears (cheap because they largely consisted of wood plus practical as they allowed you to engage your enemy from a distance whilst you held your shieldwall intact). Axes were predominantly wood, too, and could be used when your spear breaks, falls or became lodged in a dead or dying body.
Swords and metal armour were the equipment of the wealthy (chieftains).

i rarely reblog things for commentary, but here it is. (did i mention my hardon for longswords?)

Freaking Vikings knew what they where doing

fuckyeahvikingsandcelts:

bad-mojo:

necoho:

onslaughtsix:

hoganddice:

infuriatingly-adorable:

whiskey-wolf:

And this is what happens when a masterfully crafted katana collides with a masterfully crafted longsword.

Suck it, katana

And that is what happens when a masterfully crafted scalpel collides with a masterfully crafted guillotine.

Does nobody understand that longswords and katanas are two different kinds of tool?Longswords are essentially sharpened fucksticks designed to destroy the shit out of anything resembling armor that comes their way. They shatter bone, jelly flesh, and essentially fuck people up by sheer inexorable force of being a goddamn sharp steel bar.

Katanas don’t do that.They’re not meant to withstand collision with armor or a brick wall or a charging fully outfitted warhorsebecause the circumstances of its development didn’t call for that. It’s a precision instrument. It’s designed to be lightweight, outmaneuver, and find weak spots, not go barreling into people hack-n-slashing your way to victory. It’s a specialized tool.

In a sense this reflects a core difference between cultures; katanas are a shitton of work and preparation to make the execution as efficient and streamlined as possible, while longswords are more durably and simply made in response to a climate that would require a soldier to be a one-man battering ram in battle.

Actually no.
The vaunted differences between the katana and the longsword are largely myth.

First off: longswords are nowhere near as heavy as everyone thinks they are, the weight difference between an average longsword and an average katana is very slight.

Second: Longswords are not just random hack and slash weapons. THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS JUST RANDOM HACK AND SLASH WEAPONS EVERY WEAPON IN THE WORLD REQUIRES SKILL AND FINESSE! To use a longsword requires precision and training and skill. If you think the longsword requires no skill I suggest you try fighting a master, or go read The Flower of Battle by Fiore dei Liberi.

Third: The structural differences between a katana and a longsword make little to no functional difference.
The reason the katana is so narrow and has a slight curve has nothing to do with functionality and EVERYTHING to do with iron being very rare in Japan.
The curve on a katana is only enough to help increase the cutting length while using the minimum of material.
The differences between Katana technique and longsword technique are about as large as the differences between Italian longsword technique and German longsword technique.
Because there’s only so much you can do with a long sharp piece of metal.

Fourth: The Katana did not evolve. They came up with one design and never changed it for thousands of years, not once. The design process of the longsword is well documented, it went through thousands of permutations and redesigns to make it more efficient, more useful and more adaptable.

Fifth: Longsowrds took a fuckton of work and preparation. Ok, I’m about to burst your bubble here, but bear with me because you’re going to learn something.
When the Japanese developed their folded steel technique it was in response to the fact that their iron ore was not only rare, it was also so full of impurities it was brittle and pretty awful at being a weapon. 
All the Japanese folded steel technique really did was bring their steel up to the quality that was standard in most European steel.
Why do I say Japanese folded steel?
BECAUSE THE REST OF THE WORLD HAD ALREADY GOTTEN THERE ABOUT A THOUSAND YEARS BEFOREHAND!
Japanese Folded Steel is primitive compared to some of the shit we were producing for weapons at the same time in Europe.
And do you want to know who the masters of that were? THE FUCKING VIKINGS!
Japanese folded steel involves hammering one piece of steel into a fucking sandwhich over and over and over again.
Viking folded steel involves taking separate rods of Iron (For a flexible core) and Steel (for a hard edge) AND FUCKING BRAIDING THEM TOGETHER! LITERALLY BRAIDING TWO DIFFERENT KINDS OF METAL IN THREE OR MORE PIECES TOGETHER AND THEN HAMMERING THAT INTO A SWORD! JUST TRY AND TELL ME THAT’S NOT THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING YOU’VE EVER HEARD!

Sixth: The Katana was a backup weapon. It was literally the last resort. It got a lot of reverence in bushido because of how pretty it was and for no other reason. But the chief weapon of the samurai was actually their Kyu (longbow) followed by their Naginata (A spear, which was essentially like a katana on a stick and WAY more effective) or their Tetsu bo (A big conical wooden club covered in iron studs) and then if none of that worked then they would use the katana. 

Seventh: The function of a longsword depends on the historical period you’re thinking of. In the 15th century and onward they were for dealing with plate armour and their design changed to reflect that.
But they existed long before then and had many different functions, people of each period tailoring them for their specific needs.

Eighth: Swords are expensive. Doesn’t matter what period or country you’re in a sword is a LOT of metal and metal is ALWAYS expensive. 
In almost every culture spears and axes were FAR more common than swords.
This caused a widespread phenomenon that historians/archaeologists/folklorists refer to as “the cult of the sword” where the rarity and beauty of swords causes them to become an object of reverence. 
Almost every culture that developed swords also developed a weird spiritual reverence for them. The cult of the sword died off FAR later in Japan than it did in Europe which is why katanas have so much reverence and mythology attached to them even into the modern age.

Ninth: Stop idealising other cultures because they’re over there.

Fuckin’ weeaboos.

Adding to that (regarding the vikings):

That braiding technique described earlier on had the same reasons for its development as that of folded steel; bog iron was the most common available ore in Scandinavia and not very pure either.

Furthermore, that made metal indeed very expensive. Most warriors in viking culture wore boiled leather helmets and body armour if they wore armour at all. The most common form of defence was the wooden shield we all know from depictions (actually one thing out of very few that pictures get right).

The weapons that found most employment were spears (cheap because they largely consisted of wood plus practical as they allowed you to engage your enemy from a distance whilst you held your shieldwall intact). Axes were predominantly wood, too, and could be used when your spear breaks, falls or became lodged in a dead or dying body.

Swords and metal armour were the equipment of the wealthy (chieftains).

i rarely reblog things for commentary, but here it is.

(did i mention my hardon for longswords?)

Freaking Vikings knew what they where doing

(via celynbrum)

Filed under reference swords

128,658 notes

fuckingtomatoes:

MUSIC TO INFLUENCE YOU TO WRITE
Feel like you need a song to influence you to write a scene or character? Here are a list of Playlists and Songs you can listen to to get you going!
HAPPY BASED
When Everything is Wrong and you need a pick-me-up
a bunch of songs that make me Legit Happy!!
Carried Away
Stutter
 Some Days they Taste Like Lemonade
Picking Up the Pieces
Keep Your Head Up
It’s Time to Begin, isn’t it?
Endless Cheesin
Free Yourself
Undertone
SEX SCENES
lets do it (lets fall in love); a playlist for an old-fashioned love affair
Songs to fuck to
Between Two Points
Erotic Moments
 Nice and Slow
Breathe My Name
We Had a Promise Made
The Only Sex Playlist
Skin & Bones
A Forever Love
SAD SCENES/ HEARTBREAK
Hello My Old Heart
Shelter
See all my dreams die
We All Feel Lost Sometimes
Whispers Wasted in the Sand
Time to Study
One of those Sad Days
Sad Sad Songs
Goodnight Moon
When I Run Through the Deep Dark Forrest
PSYCHOPATHIC CHARACTER/SUSPENSE SCENE
[MADNESS;] | a playlist to get in the insane muse for your character
The Devil Within Digital Daggers
Villains and Demons
 Lose Your Soul
Savage Desires
I’ll Be Dead Before the Day is Done
A Killer’s Symphony
Murder He Says
A Boy’s Best Friend
In a Stranger’s Dream
BADASS CHARACTERS/ACTION-FIGHT SCENE
Not Your Regular Damsel in Distress
Biting Down
Light it Up
This is it, the Apocalypse
I Pretend I’m a Bad Ass
There is No Reconciliation
Shit to Fuck Shit Up to
Run
Let’s Go Hunting
Cancel the Apocalypse
Red Lipstick and a Black Jacket
INSTRUMENTAL/ CALM 
Breathe
The Light Shines Through
Dreamland
Floating
When in France
Sing Me to Sleep
Violin at the Movies
À la dérive
Home is where your heart it is

fuckingtomatoes:

MUSIC TO INFLUENCE YOU TO WRITE

Feel like you need a song to influence you to write a scene or character? Here are a list of Playlists and Songs you can listen to to get you going!

HAPPY BASED

SEX SCENES

SAD SCENES/ HEARTBREAK

PSYCHOPATHIC CHARACTER/SUSPENSE SCENE

BADASS CHARACTERS/ACTION-FIGHT SCENE

INSTRUMENTAL/ CALM 

(via puckling)

Filed under music writing resource

586,620 notes

pyrrhiccomedy:


frankanthonyway:

clingy:

mercilesss:

The prisoner defiantly stares down Heinrich Himmler, Hitler’s right-hand-man, who was responsible for the Holocaust. Greasley’s confrontation with Himmler took place during an inspection of the camp he was confined to. The inmates were ordered to remain seated, but Greasley refused. Horace Greasley also escaped the death camp, but sneaked back in to rescue a German woman whom he had fallen in love with.

this is amazing

Wait it gets better, he escaped from the camp 200 times to meet with the woman he was in love with and returned after every time because there was no other place to go to. He also wrote an autobiography omfg this dude is seriously awesome


Bad news: the guy in the photo almost definitely isn’t Horace Greasley, but an unknown Soviet POW.
More bad news: Horace Greasley never broke back into a concentration camp to “rescue” a German woman he had fallen in love with. (Also, he was never in a death camp. He was in work camps. Still awfully shitty places, but there’s a big difference between the two.)
Good news: The reason he didn’t “rescue” Rosa Rauchbach is because she was sneaking out just as often as he was to bring him contraband, which including food for the starving prisoners at Freiwaldau, and the necessary parts for Greasley to construct a radio. They were separated in the chaos towards the end of the war; Rauchbach found sanctuary with the Americans once Greasley (by then free) was contacted and could confirm that she had risked her life by aiding concentration camp inmates. For the record, Rauchbach was the daughter of the owner of a concentration camp; she met Greasley when her father brought her in to act as an interpreter between the SS guards and the prisoners. She died in childbirth before the pair could be reunited, with a child that was most likely his.
So yeah, Greasley was cool, but Rosa Rauchbach was just as cool, and I think deserves a bit more credit than to just get an off-hand mention as the “German woman” who was Greasley’s love interest.

pyrrhiccomedy:


frankanthonyway
:

clingy:

mercilesss:

The prisoner defiantly stares down Heinrich Himmler, Hitler’s right-hand-man, who was responsible for the Holocaust. Greasley’s confrontation with Himmler took place during an inspection of the camp he was confined to. The inmates were ordered to remain seated, but Greasley refused. Horace Greasley also escaped the death camp, but sneaked back in to rescue a German woman whom he had fallen in love with.

this is amazing

Wait it gets better, he escaped from the camp 200 times to meet with the woman he was in love with and returned after every time because there was no other place to go to. He also wrote an autobiography omfg this dude is seriously awesome

Bad news: the guy in the photo almost definitely isn’t Horace Greasley, but an unknown Soviet POW.

More bad news: Horace Greasley never broke back into a concentration camp to “rescue” a German woman he had fallen in love with. (Also, he was never in a death camp. He was in work camps. Still awfully shitty places, but there’s a big difference between the two.)

Good news: The reason he didn’t “rescue” Rosa Rauchbach is because she was sneaking out just as often as he was to bring him contraband, which including food for the starving prisoners at Freiwaldau, and the necessary parts for Greasley to construct a radio. They were separated in the chaos towards the end of the war; Rauchbach found sanctuary with the Americans once Greasley (by then free) was contacted and could confirm that she had risked her life by aiding concentration camp inmates. For the record, Rauchbach was the daughter of the owner of a concentration camp; she met Greasley when her father brought her in to act as an interpreter between the SS guards and the prisoners. She died in childbirth before the pair could be reunited, with a child that was most likely his.

So yeah, Greasley was cool, but Rosa Rauchbach was just as cool, and I think deserves a bit more credit than to just get an off-hand mention as the “German woman” who was Greasley’s love interest.

(Source: kaarvari)

Filed under history awesome women

734 notes

But there is one anecdote about Alexander and Leonidas which has never had quite the attention it deserves. Once, when the young prince was offering sacrifice, with would-be royal lavishness he scooped up two whole fistfuls of incense to cast on the altar fire. This brought down a stinging rebuke on his head from his tutor. “When you’ve conquered the spice-bearing regions,” Leonidas said, with that elaborate sarcasm characteristic of schoolmasters the world over, “you can throw away all the incense you like. Till then, don’t waste it.” Years later, Alexander captured Gaza, the main spice-entrepot for the whole Middle East. As always, he sent presents home to his mother and sister. But this time there was one for Leonidas as well. A consignment of no less than eighteen tons of frankincense and myrrh was delivered to the old man (enough to make him rich beyond his wildest dreams on the resale price), “in remembrance of the hope with which that teacher had inspired his boyhood” - together with an admonition to cease being parsimonious towards the gods.

There is something terrifying about this story: the minor slight that rankled for perhaps fifteen years, the crushing generosity, the elaborate and unanswerable replique. But it affords us a most valuable insight into Alexander’s character. Anyone who ever did him a disservice, however trivial, lived to regret it in the end. He never forgot, seldom forgave: “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, saith the Lord.” His implacability was only equalled by his patience. He would nurse a grudge for a decade or more, waiting for the propitious moment; and when that moment came, he struck.

Peter Green, Alexander of Macedon (via vibiasabina)

bel-desconneau uh, friend i think u need to see this
(via typhonatemybaby)

snape-like levels of grudge-holding right here. also, eternal crol @ alexander the great’s inner bratty twelve-year-old

alexander: what do you mean im supposed to govern a country im going to egypt LATERS LOSERS

alexander: god achilles was so cool. i wanna be just like achilles. im gonna be a warrior king just like achilles. hey hephaiston wanna cosplay patroclus with me? aCHILLES #icanteven

alexander: ok look i know i like killed the guy and stuff and i probably shouldnt have bc we were super tight but i’m like super sorry. and i was wasted anyway what more do you want from me gOD 

alexander: hahaha oh man this palace is so cool do you know what would be cooler if i set it on fire yeah sweet let’s do it 

alexander: what do you mean you’ve spent ten years marching from macedonia to india and you want to go home? FUCK YOU GUYS IM GOING TO MY TENT

(via bel-desconneau)

(Source: ilvalentinos, via puckling)

Filed under history alexander the great